Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
