Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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