My pussy is not your playground.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
