I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize