I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I think people are normalizing furries
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
