Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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