The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
