no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
is it fun? or sober?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
