How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
