drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
being pregnant is like rehab
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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