you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
