found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Randomize