It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize
