it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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