In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Randomize
