I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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