So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You ate ashes out of my bong
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
