Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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