i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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