Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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