am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
My vagina just clenched in fear
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
