You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
