i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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