bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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