Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
