Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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