saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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