My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
