I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
