Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize