I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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