I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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