I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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