That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I am midnight drunk by noon
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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