my sisters under your porch take her home
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize