They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
