Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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