My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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