I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
