Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
