the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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