I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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