I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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