now i know why i became what i already was.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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