Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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