addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
