it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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