We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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