yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize