My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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