i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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