last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
