Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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