you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize