Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
