Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
