Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
