god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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