You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
