Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
