dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
