well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
