is your mom at the bar?
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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