i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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