Walk of Shame. In a state park.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
