Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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