Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
