I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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