Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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