I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
found the other keg... it's in the tree
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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