Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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