Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
