If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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