found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
