Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
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