Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
