New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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