Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
