what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
