Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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