Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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