Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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