he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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