I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
