so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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