oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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