Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
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