apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
