Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
