So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
