I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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