Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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