Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
