matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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