Swine flu is the new snow day.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize