FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
