When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
