i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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