It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
