i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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