I just saw a hot homeless man
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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