He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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