How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
