I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
