dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
