I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Randomize
